


Now I Don't

by Eve_Levine



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Episode Tag 3x13 NS, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eve_Levine/pseuds/Eve_Levine
Summary: Grief can be funny sometimes. Not that Opie has anyone he talks to about his grief.Opie's never killed a woman before. Never even raised a hand to one. Never even wanted to.The thoughts spinning through Opie's head, while he's in the car with Stahl, at the end of season 3.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	Now I Don't

**Author's Note:**

> It's almost embarrassing how much I loved Opie Winston during the run of Sons, and his face in this scene broke my heart. Reposted from FF.net. Originally posted there ages ago.

“This is what she felt.”

There’s red mist on his lips. It’s blood. Her blood. Opie doesn’t expect the blowback, the fine spray dotting his face. He’s never shot anyone this close before. He’s a good shot, but he’s the explosives guy. He’s taken out as many as twelve with one press of his thumb, but he doesn’t usually do up close. Tig does up close.

It was an odd moment when he cornered Tig behind the bar, put his hand on Tig’s chest, and asked him for the gun he used to kill Donna. Tig doesn’t let himself get cornered, would have broken the fingers of any other man, but Opie has some pull with Tig now. He owes Opie a debt that can never be repaid. He wouldn’t meet Opie’s eyes when he admitted the gun was long gone. Opie curled his hand around the collar of Tig’s cut and asked him to get another one. Told him he wanted it for Stahl.

“Anything you need brother,” Tig said, and Opie watched as relief, and something like grief, swam behind Tig’s eyes.

Grief can be funny sometimes. Not that Opie has anyone he talks to about his grief. He can’t predict what things will crush him and steal his breath. Like he and Donna never found their way back to center. He hates they didn’t have the time they needed after he got out of Chino to enjoy the good parts in their marriage. 

And her face as he saw it last, sits over his heart, haunting him.

His woman, who consumed him for so many years. Who raised his kids without him. Who refused to leave him. Who willingly went into debt, so he could earn straight, and get out from under the club’s control. Whose beautiful eyes flashed rage when he wouldn’t quit the club. His women, who died with her eyes still open, because of the club.

Because of Stahl.

Stahl knew the game and hung the noose around Opie’s neck. She set him up to look like a rat. Clay and Tig were doing what they do best and protecting the club. Opie’s been in that position before. He’s strung men up. He’s protected the club. He’s enforced. He’s no better than them. They didn’t know Donna would be in the truck that night. But when he wakes up with Donna’s taste on his tongue and his ears straining to catch an echo of her voice, he’s not sure he can fall in line with the club’s sense of justice. She was his wife, his fucking wife, and club business became really fucking personal for the Winston family. 

Clay and Tig will probably always look over their shoulders, waiting for Opie to snap, and maybe they should. It’ll be good to have them in jail and out of the picture for awhile. It’ll give Opie a little time to think.

He’s never killed a woman before. Never so much as raised a hand to one. Never even wanted to. Not Donna when she was furious and hollering about all the ways he let her down, and not Lyla when she decided to blow a dude at Lin’s restaurant.

Opie knows he’s a big guy. He has big hands, and any bruises he laid on Donna were from him hoisting her up on his body, her back hitting a doorframe as they tried to make it into their bedroom, or her thigh smacking against the edge of the kitchen counter. And she was way too turned on to even feel them until later. Still, he didn’t like to mark her. Told her it made him feel like a douche bag to see his fingerprints on her. Was extra gentle with her for a few days, at least until they got caught up again, and started ripping off each other’s clothes.

Lyla is both easier and harder than Donna. She’s mellower, less spunky, and less inclined to care about club business, but she also expects him to stay the fuck out of her life. Opie has no idea how to do that, how not to care about the other men. Lyla doesn’t want him to take care of her, and Opie’s trying, but it goes against his nature, and he doesn’t know how to stop. Lyla likes when he bruises her during sex. She bucks her hips against him and tells him to squeeze her harder, and well... he’s learning to be okay with the loss of control.

Stahl cried the way she did before, when he had his gun on her the last time. All of her swagger falling away as she lost the upper hand. He’s doesn’t think he’s ever met anyone as confident as Stahl. Except maybe Jax. Which is why Jax was the one roping her in, herding her into their plan, and distracting her, so she wouldn’t see Opie waiting for her at the finish. Then as her future narrowed down to the barrel of his gun, she begged. She pleaded for his mercy, when she’d shown she was incapable of giving out her own. Jax told him before they rode out for Jimmy, that Stahl shot her own partner to concrete their deal. Her loyalty only extended as far as the reach of her ambition. She was a snake, and yet she wanted his mercy… again. 

Opie found as he stared at the back of her head, that he had none left. Not for her.

Kozik is banging on the window. They need to get out of here. Kozik’s a good Sergeant at Arms. He knows what he’s doing, but they didn’t need him here to enforce. They needed somebody with a little distance to keep an eye on the greater picture, because for Chibs and himself, this hit was anything but business.

Pulling a trigger isn’t hard, but it sticks. It’s irreversible. It’s just the squeeze of a finger, a few pops, some broken glass, and hot metal ripping through her world, ending it. When he wakes up tomorrow, Donna will still be dead, but so will Stahl. 

Maybe then, after Opie has cleared the ghosts out of his head, he’ll be able to breathe.


End file.
